For Anyone Navigating Domestic Abuse

A Note from Me to You 
Written by Kylie

I wanted to share what’s on my heart. As I gave birth to ‘Alchemy’, bringing my offerings out to the world, I am aware that others may be wondering many things about what I offer and what it all means to me and what it could mean for you to have me walk beside you. I will share the piece that is closest to my heart right now and that is the experience of Domestic Abuse, more specifically, intimate partner abuse. 

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The experience of Domestic and Intimate Partner abuse, can be incredibly messy and leave you feeling without air in your lungs many a moments of the day. It can leave you isolated, frightened and so disconnected from yourself. The experiences ask us to deal with and confront some of the most challenging situations of our lives and can, at times, feel impossible to see how we will get through it.  Not only do we navigate the abuse and manipulation from the person hurting us,  we also find ourselves having to work extra hard at navigating the relationships with our well intentioned friends, family's and sometimes even our therapists. There is the requests of us to  justify why we make the choices we do and why we don’t 'just leave'. All of this, coupled with the abuse and manipulation we are living through, at times, is incessant and you feel a sense of tiredness that even the deepest and longest sleep cannot heal.

Reaching up for support when you are feeling an absence of trust in self and others and at a time where you are raw with vulnerability takes a whole lot of courage and bravery. You know what though? You are brave and you are courageous ALREADY! (Read that bit again).

I am here sharing what I know about you without  having met you yet. I know because I’ve been there, more than once. I’ve been the one looking for that right spot where I could find hope and meaningful support.

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Whilst no two experiences of Intimate partner  or Domestic abuse are the same, I do know what it’s like to second, third and fourth guess yourself. Your every decision, your every move. I get it!  I know some of you may be thinking to yourself, 'well how can she help me if she too has fallen prey to these same relationships and dynamics that I am navigating'. Well, I’m here to tell you that I, too am human. One thing I pride myself on now is showing up in all my ‘human ness’ every day. What I’ll add to this is that no one is immune from Intimate Partner or Domestic abuse. It can and does happen to anyone. Often times, to those of us with the biggest hearts, the kindness spirits  and the gentlest of souls. All these beautiful qualities can also keep us stuck in situations such as these, particularly in relationships saturated with coercive control behaviours.  

I have worked and continue to work incredibly hard on my personal  journey and my areas of growth to ensure that I am safe and respected. I also continue to armour myself with knowledge and skills. Some old and some new. To give myself and those I walk beside, the opportunity to create and live the life we deserve. 

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What remains solid is my commitment to bring safety and love to my world and this includes bringing love towards myself and my ‘parts’ that have made choices which have kept me stuck in situations that have jeopardised my wellbeing. I look to these parts and these choices with love and offer tenderness as I grow my understanding of why and how I ended up where I did.

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I know what it’s like to feel the wisdom we each have within ourselves. To feel it there poking at our consciousness, begging us to notice it, to use it, to get out and stay out!  Yet we push it down because our brain can’t make sense of how we could possibly have chosen to be with and love someone who causes us such immense pain (this my friend is also known as cognitive dissonance- something we can talk more on if you feel called to).

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In my life experiences thus far, both professionally and personally, I have had the privilege of getting to know some of the most courageous and wise people who inspire me every day with the strength, creativity and brave way in which they navigate their struggles, sometimes time and time again. The growth that can flow from having someone truly ‘being with’ you in your struggle is   indescribable and when you are ready, I hope you feel this too. X

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For now, hand on my heart and smile on my face I say, ‘Be gentle my friend. Be gentle with yourself as you reach up and let someone walk with you. I have no expectations on what you 'should' or 'shouldn't do.  I simply want to meet you where you are at if this is something you feel you need. I want for you to really feel that you are not alone. Your safety, in all its forms, is paramount and I trust you know what you need to do to be safe. We can take it one moment at a time and make decisions about what you need and what you want as and when you are ready.